—What person standing behind me?

—You know, that woman who always follows you, the one with the green coat.

—No, I don't know. What are you talking about? I've never seen any woman following me.

—That's because she's always standing behind you.

—You're creeping me out.

—I'm sorry. I didn't realize you'd never seen her...

—Listen. If you don't stop joking around about this, I think I'd better leave. I don't appreciate people trying to freak me out like this.

—I wasn't trying to frighten you, honestly.

—You're making this up, aren't you? It's a joke, isn't it? There's no woman who follows me around.

—Well, I just thought... Never mind, never mind. Let's drop the whole thing.

—No, wait. I need you to tell me that you were making this up. Because I know you must have been. I want you to apologize.

—I'm sorry if I scared you or whatever, but I didn't do it on purpose. I was just making small talk...

—But you were making it up, weren't you?

—Yeah, sure, if you... OK, yes, I was making it up.

—Now you sound like you're lying. I bet there really is a woman following me. You say she wears a green coat?

—It's a long green coat that's all fuzzy like it was made out of felt or something. And it has large black buttons.

—Oh God, I can't tell when you're telling the truth and when you're making this shit up. You're really freaking me out, you know that? I've never been on a worse date in my life. I should just leave now.

—I'm sorry, if you want to go, maybe you... I'm sorry about the meal. I didn't realize Ethiopian food could be so... chewy. Honestly, the food at that place was a lot better the last time I went there. I thought you would like it.

—Oh, don't worry about the food. I know that wasn't your fault. It's just that something's been wrong all night. I don't appreciate you trying to scare me like this...

—I wasn't trying to scare you. I was just saying sometimes I think I hear you say something...

—If this woman's been following me, saying things, how come I’ve never heard her say anything?

—Well, you got a good point there. See, that proves it. I was making up the whole thing. I'm sorry. Why don't we talk about something else?

—Because now, I can't think about anything else. I keep picturing this ugly woman in a green coat standing behind me and saying things...

—Oh, she's not ugly.

—What?

—She's quite beautiful, if you must know. Not as pretty as you, of course...

—Wait. You just called her "beautiful," and you called me "pretty." You're not fooling me. I know which one is better. The entire time we've been on this date, you've been looking at other women, another woman, or...

—I couldn't avoid looking at her. She was standing right behind you, and she was staring at me with her watery green eyes and whispering words in a voice that sounded very much like yours.

—I thought you said you were making up all of this.

—I did say that... Say, let's talk about something else. How's your job going lately, anyway?

—My job! You tell me I'm being stalked by some crazy woman and then you ask me how my job's going?

—I didn't say she was a crazy woman, and I didn't say she was stalking you.

—Well, what else do you call it? She's always following me, standing behind me. To me, that's stalking. Where did she go, anyway? I don't see anyone around here.

—When we were coming up the stairs, she stopped on the second story. She continued staring at us as we went up to my apartment. For all I know, she could be standing just outside my door right now, listening to our conversation.

—Why are you laughing? This is all a joke, isn't it?

—Open the door and find out.

—You have a very sick sense of humor. I don't care if there is some crazy woman standing outside the door. I'm going to get out of this place. You're crazy, you know that? You're a real jerk. Where did you put my coat?... Never mind. I found it.

—You want me to walk you home?

—Forget it. Just forget it. I can find my own way home, without your stupid jokes...

—What was that you just said?

—I said I could find my way home, without your stupid jokes.

—No, I meant the thing you said right after that.

—I didn't say anything right after that.

—Oh, never mind. I could have sworn I heard you say something. It must have been my imagination.